1:55am

The fact that I’m even typing this post right now when I totally know that I should be sleeping and somehow preventing a terrible sickness from overcoming me right before this wedding is daunting… but yet I have to write. In a way, it’s my escape… and in a way, it’s something I know that I have to do. This is one of the last couple days that I will actually be required to do these daily posts… because I’m taking two weeks off and not posting text posts at all except for the automatic ones saying where we’re at on our honeymoon… but I’m scripting those beforehand based on our schedule. This honeymoon will be the first time in a year that I can just sit back, relax, and know that it’s all about me and Her… and that I don’t have to sneak away to write and fill the queue. 

So about last night… yesterday… and all of the above. The night before of course, we got yelled at by the manager of quality suites because apparently we were a party group… and the assholes were threatening to kick us out of their hotel. Well the next day I ran some errands in the morning, and because nobody else had any money, I had to spend $218 on airsoft and guns so that we could do that for my bachelor party. - We checked into a nicer hotel for a night, which had a fireplace and two bedrooms… and waited for my groomsmen from school to get there. When he got there we went out to do the bachelor party thing… and the airsoft was one of the worst ones I’ve ever played. It sucked, and I got hurt more than I should have… and they kept picking on Her brother way more than they should have despite how annoying he was being. We decided to call quits on the game because it completely sucked, and we went back to the hotel and did… guess what… nothing. The rest of my bachelor party was spent either attempting to play xbox or on our laptops. The girls showed up at 1am to pick up Her brother, whom I had had to spend an hour in the car talking to and comforting because he was bawling due to the shitty way he’d been treated. I remember being there… and it sucked. - Anyway, the girls got here and the maid of honor was in tears in the drivers seat while all of the girls looked to be kinda pissed. I spent a half hour talking to the maid of honor and working her around before they all decided to home. I was already having a horrible day… my best man was in a crap mood and I was sick of dealing with it. I got a call from Her after laying in bed with my friend from school, the only guy who had actually showed that he cared at all on this trip, when She called. And broke down. - I honestly didn’t know if I could take having to pick another person back up tonight… I didn’t know if I could. I was wanting to break down myself before any of them… but that’s what I live for… and that’s what being a friend means to me, so I talked Her around. Apparently my best man and one of the guys had followed the girls home and tried to split the bridal party up by taking a few of the hot girls they liked back to the hotel for the night. It was an idiotic move on his part, and a complete ass move with the pre-knowledge he already had about everything that was going on and the tension that was already there between the girls. I hated him for it, and it was the last straw.

When they got back to the room, be cause She had sent them back, I literally just blew up on him. I knew that it was all his idea and he was behind it… and I just laid into him for it. I laid it all out on the line… everything that has come to define our friendships for the past 5+ years… and told him to get his shit together and start showing that he fucking cares if he does or get the hell out and don’t come back. - The thing about my best man is if you shoot him straight, he backs down quickly… and I shot him straight that night. The whole guys party heard it… and they knew it had to happen. 

Today was better… it was hell because we had to spend the whole thing running around like crazy and setting up for the reception, but as far as with Us, and our bridal party, it was better. Everyone has accepted now that this isn’t a usual wedding. This isn’t what everyone thinks it was going to be… it simply isn’t. It’s a teenage/adult wedding… and it’s going to be run exactly how we run it, and no differently. realizing that was the hard part for everyone I think… including me. but we made it through the worst part of hell week… and although I can’t even begin to describe to you how bad it was last night… and how ready all of us were to just call everything off and cancel the wedding and have everyone go home and Her and I just have a 2 person church wedding….. - yeah. we made it through. 

Work wise, we got all the lights hung tonight… which was something that needed to happen considering that we still have so much to do tomorrow night that it’s not even funny. - I’m just glad that a lot got done tonight though. I took my sleeping pill 40 minutes ago and I am literally high right now and can’t type. Sleep and rest for me right now… and I have to remember that tomorrow night,… it will be the night before the wedding that I’ve been praying about, dreaming of, looking forward to, anticipating, and desiring. It’ll come and my life will change… and We will being a new life together… Her and I.~

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5:23am

So in approximately 11 hours… at 4:30pm EST… I will be betrothed to the woman of my dreams. I have often thought about what I would write on the night before this amazing incredible day… and I’m sitting here right now wondering whether, even with the aid of a strong sleeping pill, will I ever be able to sleep tonight? Everything that has lead up to this day was nothing like I thought it was going to be. Everything that has lead up to this day has been a thorn in our relationship… but just that; a thorn and nothing more. We are just as strong today as we were on the very first day I started this blog, now 15 days from being one year ago, and I wouldn’t trade the moments that we’ve had together since I started this blog for the world.

In all actuality, this really should be the last post before my honeymoon… this really should be the last one that I write before beginning this new life with Her… and in all actuality it more than likely will be. As much as I would love to post right before I walk down the aisle… I doubt it’s going to happen. After intertwining this into my daily life for 2-4 hours each and every day for the past year… it’s hard to realize that the daily routine, the daily life… it will change. It won’t be all about this wedding gift… it will be about Her. And for the first time since the very beginning, it will be about whatever I want it to be about. That’s not to say that I’m going to change the idea and meaning of the blog, because I could never do that… but it’s just going to be different, and I’m not sure that I like it. I think that I’m going to miss this other life on here perhaps more than anything else from my pre-wedded life. 

Knowing that I have to be up in like 5 hours is a daunting feeling… because I know from that point on, it’s only Go Go Go Go Go until I am walking our mothers down that aisle… awaiting my beautiful bride to come walking down to greet me. For those that have been reading my blog since the beginning… you are the only other human beings in the whole world that understand exactly what it is that I’m going through… and exactly what this day means to me. Simply attempting to summarize the entire year in a single post is futile for me… and it’s definitely something that I know can’t be accomplished running only two hours of sleep per night for the past three months…. but that’s what this blog is for right? It doesn’t need to be said in one post, because every single post from the past 12 months all adds to the collage that is my life; our story. - I love it more than anything in the whole wide world, and I can’t believe that everything, everything that IS Us, everything that IS our relationship, our love, our hearts, and our souls… everything is coming together into one today… to make this one of the most memorable days of my life. It’s been a hell long road getting here, and this wedding was harder to prep than I Ever thought it would be… but I can honestly say that in only 11 more hours of Go Go Go…. I'll be there… WE’LL be there, and we’ll be there Together~

~ God, give me strength to make it through these remaining hours. Only You can Truly know what it is that I have had to go through over the past few days and weeks… and I beg that You will lead as we go into this new life together. Become our focal point God… THAT is my prayer. - Oh, and if you could get me through these next 11 hours; it’d be greatly appreciated ;) - I love You God, Amen. ~ 

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8:24am

How foolish of me to think that I could possibly sleep on the morning before I get married to the woman of my dreams. Especially when I have So much to still do before the wedding. I honestly tried since my last post…. but right now I am just so stressed and nervous that I am for sure pulling an all nighter before my wedding. God help me to make it to the wedding~

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4:30pm

This is a queued post of course… just letting the 13,000 people following this blog know that the entirety of this blog, and the purpose for its existence has come. When this posts… I will be walking our mothers down the aisle, awaiting Her. My life begins…. Now~

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6:42pm

Click Here To Hear The Song Quoted In This Post


A strangled smile fell from your face

It kills me that I hurt you this way


Of course the one time I would find to write this morning, tumblr would be down. I still have managed to squeeze a little time in to write this though… and it’s quickly becoming one of the hardest, saddest, yet most awesome, and joy inspiring posts that I’ve ever written, or ever will write on this blog… and likely anywhere, forever. You see, yesterday was one of the most hectic days of my life… and in the tradition I started nearly a year ago… my recap of yesterday is not lacking in details. - After not sleeping but a half hour the night before my wedding, I spent the morning preparing and packing for the honeymoon. I frantically picked out songs for the reception, tried to write my vows, and wondered how I was going to get the slideshow for the reception done, the programs made and printed, the projector for the reception found, the items needed for the reception purchased, the tuxes picked up, the car cleaned and washed, amp and energy drinks to survive the day, the airsoft stuff returned to walmart, the fans for the church delivered, and still have enough time to get ready to walk down the aisle with only 4 hours left. The next four hours were the most stressful I have ever had, and I can honestly say that I have never had even one of my friends step up as much as each and every single bridesmaid and groomsmen did during those next 4 hours. I kid you not when I say that each and every one of them stepped into the maid of honor/best man shoes and picked up the slack where we couldn’t in order to get us down that aisle on time.



The worst part is that I didn’t even know

Now there’s a million reasons for you to go

But if you can find a reason to stay



I queued a post yesterday at 4:30pm saying that the wedding was starting, but at 4:30pm I was driving like a crazy man to the tux shop 5 minutes away because they had forgotten my vest. I later found the vest, but due partially to that trip, and partially to the fact that Her mother was late getting back, I didn’t actually start walking our mothers down the aisle until 4:50. All things considered, I was pretty happy with that time. It was something that could be expected considering that almost no wedding starts on time… but considering we had just over 300 people sitting in a church that was 15 degrees hotter than the 90 degrees outside… 20 minutes was a long time. Still though, 4:50 found me walking down that aisle… and but a few minutes later I was catching the eyes of my bride… in what I swear is the most beautiful dress that could possibly exist, walking down the aisle with Her father towards the front of the church where She would truly become… entirely and fully mine.



I’ll do whatever it takes

To turn this around

I know what’s at stake

I know that I’ve let you down

And if you give me a chance

Believe that I can change

I’ll keep us together whatever it takes



I am not the crying type… I never have been and I never will be. I can honestly say that it wasn’t until I broke up with my ex the second time that I even cried… because the first time couldn’t muster the tears. Yesterday though, with the men I call my best friends standing behind me, the women She calls Her girls standing behind Her, and my best friend holding my hands in front of me, I had a feeling like one I’ve never felt before come over me. All of a sudden nothing mattered, not the people in the church staring at me, not the pastors standing next to me… just Us. And all of a sudden the lady we had asked to sing was up front… and on came the song that three years before I had sat in the car playing on the radio, after just kissing my best friend while dating another girl, and wondering what I was doing with my life… and at that moment 3 year ago I had told Her that the song that was playing would forever be a momento to that moment, sitting there in that car, after Our first kiss… and it would forever bring back every emotion and feeling from that day, that minute; that second…. and yesterday hearing that song being sung… tears flooded my eyes as I realized that I had had no idea how true the words I said three years ago would be when that song was playing for our wedding. I had had no idea that that song would find me standing in front of my wife… holding Her hands and saying “I Do” as we begun our new life together. Still though, it had. Still though, that had brought tears that, although I didn’t let them run down my face, still burned the memory of the best day my life has and will ever see into my mind. 



She said “If we’re gonna make this work

You gotta let me inside even though it hurts”



The rest of the day was a complete blur in my mind. We got pictures taken and showed up at the reception in a car covered in silly string and condoms courtesy of the wedding party… and all of a sudden it was over. We were on our way to the hotel after coming back three times for forgotten items… and then I was taking Her dress off. The pure exhaustion of the past couple weeks, and especially the past couple days should have rendered us entirely and completely unable to even contemplate having our wedding night that night… but yet we were driven by an unknown force. Perhaps it was every single time that we’ve made out over the past two and a half years waiting to finally get what has always been just out of reach, or maybe it was the undying desire to be THAT close… That much a part of one another… but whatever it was, it drove us into such a crazy love, that we removed our tux and dress, and just like that were making love to one another. I have had so many people tell me not to get my expectations too high for sex, because it’s not all that virgin expectations raise it up to be, but I am here to tell you that it was more than I could have ever possibly imagined. I speculate it may be because of the closeness wrapped around us, and the fact that we waited through our wedding night, and it might also have been that I was making love to my best friend, my literal other half… but whatever it was, it lead us into an incredible meaningful passionate loving sexual experience that as I moved in and out of Her…. I could sense her reaching the point of orgasm… and it’s almost like our bodies connected. I am not lying when I tell you that I came inside of Her at the precise moment She came to climax. Whatever amazing feeling could have been had before was overthrown by the closeness I felt kissing Her before even pulling out… being completely one with Her. Everything that held us back, everything that made us wait for the wedding night was worth it, just for that one moment. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, and it blew my mind in ways I can’t even describe.



Don’t hide the broken parts that I need to see

She said “Like it or not it’s the way it’s gotta be

You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me



Waking up to my best friend this morning, knowing that She is my wife… and that this new life together has begun, brings that same rush of emotions and feelings that that song did yesterday. It nearly brings tears to my eyes knowing that I have what most people would kill for… a chance at true happiness. I have it, and I swear to God I will keep it. Still though, that feeling brought on another realization, and that was that this post I am writing right now ends the story for this blog. It may turn a new chapter, and I have vowed to keep writing from time to time… but the essential essence of it’s creation, durration, and finale is over. Packed inside the nearly 8,000 posts on this blog is everything that IS the past year. Everything that IS our relationship, and everything that IS our love. It’s my heart, poured out on the pages of this blog for the whole world to see, but most importantly for Her to see. I can’t say that it’s always been easy… because it hasn’t. There have been so many times that I have just wanted to give up on this blog and stop writing and posting… but by God’s grace and the honest unexpected support of the over 13,000 people that follow Our story, I made it we made it. 



I’ll do whatever it takes

To turn this around

I know what’s at stake

I know that I’ve let you down

And if you give me a chance

Believe that I can change

I’ll keep us together whatever it takes



Where the story goes from here is Our call. Where this blog goes from here is Our call… but most importantly, where our loves goes from here is OUR Call. The reason I chose this song to annotate this post with, is because back in that march when everything was beginning to happen… and even before, after our first kiss… it was this song that I promised to Her that I really would do Whatever It Takes to turn the mess we had made of our lives and our friendship around… and I Would do Whatever It Takes to keep us together… and standing at that alter yesterday, holding Her hands, I was fulfilling that promise and marrying my best friend, my lover, my other half; my wife~



But remember the time I told you the way that I felt

That I’d be lost without you and never find myself

Let’s hold onto each other above everything else

Start over, start over



We begin our honeymoon now… and this is my last text post till at least after we return on August 1st… but I will keep the pictures coming… because even though my new life has begun with Her and we are writing the pages of a new chapter together, I still maintain the feelings that have pulled us through since day one… and they will forever more continue to be expressed day by day on the pages of my heart; this blog. As much as this is the end of this blog, our story leading up to our marriage, and the life I have led for the past year online for Her, it is the beginning of chapter two. All of the emotions I’ve held for this blog and for Her up until now couldn’t compare though, to the excitement and desire I feel to writing this new chapter hand in hand with Her… so here we go~



I’ll do whatever it takes

To turn this around

I know what’s at stake

I know that I’ve let you down

And if you give me a chance

Believe that I can change

I’ll keep us together whatever it takes

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They say that the hardest year of marriage is the first. “They” also say that the next two years after that aren’t really all THAT much easier, but that they are at least easier than the first. That being said, We survived.

Today marks the one year anniversary of the day I said “I do” promising to love and to cherish, to hold and to honor, to protect and to serve, through sickness and health, till death dun do us part’… or something like that. To be honest, those of you that remember that day who actually followed me back when I had but 17,000 followers remember that I only slept two hours the night before. They remember that the day of was so incredibly busy and crazy that it is a darn miracle that I remember a thing. Some might suggest that I watch the wedding video, and to them I would share the sad fact that the stupid friend/ex teacher we had videotape it actually managed to lose the video somehow… so the only video of our wedding is forever lost. Sucks. Yet, here we are today.

Her and I took a three day vacation into the mountains to a cabin. It’s really quite nice actually as it has an outdoor hottub and an indoor jacuzzi. I love and I know she does too. For this short period of time, we are taking a break from the ever-busy lives that we live and just enjoying with each other… just us… (aside from this short break for us to write of course). How can we not write on our anniversary? 

A lot has happened in the last year. So so much. I’m sad to say that our first year of marriage was so incredibly trying… so difficult, that there were times where I questioned whether or not we would make it. - It’s been a hard road, because it always used to be a question of “how”, not “if”… but we are so different people. We are so incredibly stubborn, and we are SO incredibly alike that learning to bend together to make it work has seemed impossible at times… but we can do it. I know it.

Taking a look at the past year in other aspects than our marriage, I find that I went almost a whole year from August of 2010 to July of 2011 writing every day… and I wrote MAYBE once or twice a month this past year. I’m saddened by this… but also sad as I realize that it’s not likely to change. - This blog, while a great place to release everything and just say what’s in my mind and on my heart, is no longer a private blog. I’ve worked so hard to maintain our privacy on here, but as I approach 77,000 followers, I’ve come to realize that it is no longer private. Somehow, someway, both my sister and Her brother have found the blogs. My sister I am not so concerned about as we are very Very close and she has shared with me that she wouldn’t read the posts… and I believe her. Her brother on the other hand, I know will read every single post. It’s for that reason that I can no longer just outright share things on here like I once did. It’s no longer a place where I can come and just talk intimately about the things that affect our marriage, the things that lift us up and the things that tear us down. - That’s not to say that I will discontinue the blog or stop answering questions… because I won’t. It’s simply to say that my posts are going to be much more basic than they were before… much less of a glimpse into our souls and much more of an informal informative blog about what we’re up to and our day to day lives. I’m sad to have to go that route… but it’s time. Who knows how many other people that know us are lurking in the thousands of people that follow this blog?

Back to our one year, It is kind of liberating, reflecting on the past year of our lives. - We ate the top of our wedding cake today as is custom, and we just spent a lot of quality time together. - The premise of today was reflecting on the fact that we survived the hardest year together, and that we went a whole year falling asleep next to each other each and every single night… didn’t even miss one. I love that… and I love Her. It’s so great knowing that we made it… and that if we made it through everything else, my highschool, my ex… her family, and our first year of marriage…… then we can make it through anything else. We can bend and become the people that we need to become. We can adjust our lives such that we can figure out how to change Who we are enough to live with one another… 

Nobody said marriage was easy. Granted for some, (two people who aren’t as bull-headed as we are and both type A personalities), it’s easier than for others… but it can still be done. — We had a fight the other day where she told me straight up that we lost what we had in that closeness of our best friendship. We lost it when we got married, and She told me that if She knew we were going to lose it, that She wouldn’t have married me right now just to be able to keep it. - I told Her in the card that I wrote Her today that I truly believe that we would have lost that close connection in a couple years anyway even if we hadn’t gotten married and tried to mix our two lives like we did… but if we hadn’t been married we would have just gone our separate ways. Losing it this way, with marriage, gives us a chance to get it back one day. Someday. Right now, we just need to hold hands and figure out who we are and how we can each change enough to make it work. I believe it can be done… I just believe that we have to figure out how.

We may not be the fairytale model relationship on Tumblr… but I feel like we’re real. I feel like what we have isn’t just some show to the world about what “a real love can be”, but a reality check for each of us. A realization that even the deepest of connections… true love, like what we had, can be lost but regained. It’s for that reason that I’m never really going to stop writing. Sure they may not be as detailed about how I went down on her three times or the way she took it all the way in today… but I’ll be sharing our story nonetheless. Thanks to Tumblr for helping us get through this first year… God only knows that it’s because of the support of my amazing followers that we made it this far… and we can make it just that much further. 

I closed my card to her with the following:

~We may not have it all now… but while we get it back and figure it all out; just…. ~Never Forget~ 

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