So I turned 23 today. I’m not sure if I’ve been saying my age on here or not, but fuck it…. Can’t believe a year went by so fast! Just like that another one is gone. This time though, it’s not just the end of another year, it’s the end of my senior year. All the HELL I’ve been going through this year, biting off more than I thought was humanly possible, it’s all coming to a close and at least for now, I’m still standing. A part of me knew I would make it, I always do. Still… I have set the limit for my life. I know what the most I can handle is, for I swear I’ve never been that close to literal death from pure exhaustion. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I know I’ll never achieve that level of difficulty again. But, I made it.
In all fairness, I’m not actually done till May. But the hardest part is over. Now to just keep my focus for these last 4 weeks and get the little things done in time to actually walk across that stage and get my degree. I can handle this.
I confirmed today that I’ve lost a friend. - My best friend from down here, the one I shared an office with for four years… - something changed this year. Part of it was me I’m sure… I’m not easy to work with, there no way… But he’s been so different this year. So much so that I’ve said I was done with the friendship several times, but he alway fakes it so well sometimes that I give it another chance. This time though, it’s sadly actually over. - He made it apparent in the hardest way that he’s done, and likewise I am as well. It’s funny how people are in your lives for a certain amount of time and that’s that. I’ve spent this semester getting closer and closer to a new friend down here, and we are so similar in all the right ways that it’s going really well. So well that I’ve almost not noticed how little my old friend and I are hanging out anymore. Plus, this new friend parties with us which my old friend rarely did. It’s a sad transition but I suppose that’s a part of life.
I cleaned out my office this week. I’ve held that office for four years… It was built for us for crying out loud. It was actually pretty sad. I’m not one to like sudden drastic change, and this summer will define sudden drastic change… So we’ll see how that goes. - I need to share this other part of my life on here but I’m almost afraid to. I’m almost scared to because I spend so much time explaining it to the few friends that know around us and some of them still don’t get it. I’m scared to try to explain it or to have to answer to the hundred fifty thousand plus followers on this blog. I don’t think it’s doable.
Yet, I’ll be writing a lot more these next few months. I guarantee it’s the only thing that will get me by…
Here’s to a strong final 4 week! I can do this…. I know I can.
Honestly, I didn’t expect to do anything for spring break this year. When you’re as run down and insanely busy as I am this year and especially this semester, it’s not as simple as just stopping your mind being in that eternal state of ‘what’s next’ to just take a trip and relax. It just doesn’t work like that. Still, because of Everything, Her and I have been needing time to each other. We have been needing to get away from it all… badly… so after a big fight earlier this week, I planned a getaway for 3-4 days to surprise her and we just took off Tuesday and have been enjoying some time away in the mountains for the past day or two. It’s been fun.
This spring break, a year later, finds me sitting out on a freezing porch once again. Sure I’m in an area, just like last year, that is supposed to be somewhat warm this time of year, but for whatever reason it’s cold again this year and I’m finding myself looking off of our balcony knowing that the end of a phase of our lives is coming to an end. Sink or swim, I don’t care if the landing gear breaks off and we crash land this bitch, this plane we call life is crossing that graduation finish line and we will be alive at the end of it.
It’s amazing how much changes in a year. looking back, these past 365 days were some of the hardest I’ve ever been through. I’ve worked myself harder than I think I ever will again, and spent nearly an entire year of my life engrossed in so many projects, so many things that it’s the biggest blur yet. Still, sitting here, I rest assured in the fact that I’ve done more in college than most people do in the 10 years afterwards. I’ve lived… succeeded… found my limits, and I know that at the end of it I will come out alive and victorious. I know who I am and what I’m capable of, and from here I can go anywhere. Yeah this is the end, but this might just be the beginning.
Anyway, here’s to Spring Break 2014. Some relaxation, and the irony that I am once again freezing my ass off on a balcony writing to Tumblr the story of our lives~